It’s lonely as a leader or is it?

A conversation I often find myself having with CEO’s and board members of our portfolio companies is that loneliness is often an overlooked challenge for leaders.

As a leader, it is natural to consume all of the stress related to focusing on your team, your customers and your shareholders.  This inevitably brings stress and can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation and disconnection from others, which then can take a toll on your mental and emotional wellbeing.

During my first company I founded and without a board of directors, I certainly found this at times and would often talk about the CEO role being the loneliest position in the company. You spend all of your time focused on solutions for the problems of others but who helps you? I used to think it was an inevitable side effect.

However, one of our leadership team at Mercia Ventures has a great saying that “if you have not changed your point of view compared to a few years ago you are not developing” and the fact that loneliness is a side effect of being the leader is an area where I have definitely changed my view. I think it is now possible to not be lonely as a leader but it does take work on your part. I would generally split the work in to two sections. 

The first is ask yourself what is your support network?

As a leader, working long hours it's easy to become disconnected from your team or peers. However, you are probably the most expensive resource in the business so time invested in your own personal development and wellbeing is vitally important.  A support network can take many forms such as your board, your peers in the industry or external CEO/leadership networks.

Your Chair and/or Non-Executive Directors can be great for support as they have often faced similar challenges in their career and can be important mentors and sounding boards.  Take time to reach out to people in your industry that you admire and respect – you will be amazed how many are both happy to take your call and to spend time over a coffee or meal sharing challenges.  There are also CEO and leadership groups that can also be a formal element of support.  Early in my CEO career I was a member of Vistage which served me well for a number of years.  Another piece of advice I have received and practiced is to have a mentor (official or unofficial) who are significantly younger than yourself say in their 20’s and 30’s if you are in your 40’s or 50’s as well as older than you.

The second is to ensure that you lead with humility and be vulnerable with your team. 

Yes as a leader you have to drive the vision, the results and be the ultimate decision maker on certain points but it certainly doesn’t mean you have to permanently wear a mask of control and be a superhero. I maybe didn’t do this initially in my career but just because you are a leader of the team doesn’t mean you can’t show vulnerability at times and ask your team for their advice, guidance and support.  One of the things we do with our leadership team at the start of our monthly meetings is a check in to see how we are feeling as a score out of 10 and why.  Sometimes I will have the highest score but other times I may have the lowest score and the team will understand and always offer to help in certain area’s.  This is so rewarding for me personally.

To sum up, loneliness can a common challenge for leaders, but it doesn’t have to be.

It's essential to recognise and address it. Consciously developing your support network in whatever shape or form that takes is one way to tackle it and the best for me is to be open with your team and they will surprise you with the levels of support.  Business is a team sport – something we should never forget.

Would love to hear experiences of others on this subject.