The Art of Active listening

matthew0268
3 days ago
19 min read

At the end of every year I review what we have achieved and how I have personally performed, always looking at area’s I can work on for the next year. At the start of last year, I decided that amongst other things, I wanted to improve my active listening skills.

Active listening is when you not only hear what someone is saying, but also attune to their thoughts and feelings. It turns a conversation into an active, non-competitive, two-way interaction.

Robin Abrahams and Boris Groysberg in their Harvard Business Review 2021 article “How to Become a Better Listener” describe active listening as having three aspects: cognitive, emotional, and behavioural. Here’s how they define each aspect:

Cognitive: Paying attention to all the information, both explicit and implicit, that you are receiving from the other person, comprehending, and integrating that information.
Emotional: Staying calm and compassionate during the conversation, including managing any emotional reactions (annoyance, boredom) you might experience.
Behavioral: Conveying interest and comprehension verbally and nonverbally.

They go on to write, “Getting good at active listening is a lifetime endeavour. However, even minor improvements can make a big difference in your listening effectiveness.”

Leadership consultants Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman developed this metaphor which might also be helpful in understanding what active listening is: “You’re not a sponge merely absorbing information. Instead, think of yourself more like a trampoline that gives the speaker’s thoughts energy, acceleration, height, and amplification,”

I think the benefits of developing active listening skills are multiple. From building trust and rapport with your team members to facilitating better decision-making and conflict resolution by carefully listening to diverse viewpoints and gathering insights from different stakeholders, active listening is a cornerstone of effective leadership.

As I often remind people, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason but a key element to enable successful active listening is your questioning skills, taking what you are hearing and asking good questions to fully understand the situation.

It’s remarkable to think that whilst listening is a skill we all are utilising every day as a leader, it’s rarely, if ever, explicitly taught as such, outside of training for therapists. A 2015 study by Brink and Costigan showed that while 78% of accredited undergraduate business schools list “presenting” as a learning goal, only 11% identified “listening.”

For me, like many leadership skills, my active listening skills remain work in progress but I do think it’s definitely a key element for all leaders to focus on in our quest to be better at what we do.

Would be interested to hear your thoughts.

they write. Here’s how to become a so-called trampoline listener.

Listening well is the kind of skill that benefits from not just teaching but coaching — ongoing, specialized instruction from someone who knows your personal strengths, weaknesses, and most importantly, habits. Reading this article won’t turn you into a champion listener any more than reading an article on balance will turn you into Simone Biles. Our aims are to increase your understanding of what good listening is, and offer research-backed advice to improve your listening skills.

Becoming a Better Listener

A participant in any conversation has two goals: first, to understand what the other person is communicating (both the overt meaning and the emotion behind it) and second, to convey interest, engagement, and caring to the other person. This second goal is not “merely” for the sake of kindness, which would be reason enough. If people do not feel listened to, they will cease to share information.

This is “active listening.” It has three aspects:

Cognitive: Paying attention to all the information, both explicit and implicit, that you are receiving from the other person, comprehending, and integrating that information
Emotional: Staying calm and compassionate during the conversation, including managing any emotional reactions (annoyance, boredom) you might experience
Behavioral: Conveying interest and comprehension verbally and nonverbally

Getting good at active listening is a lifetime endeavor. However, even minor improvements can make a big difference in your listening effectiveness. Here’s a “cheat sheet” with nine helpful tips:

In addition to improving interpersonal relationships and decision-making, active listening also contributes to enhanced conflict resolution. Conflicts are inevitable in any workplace setting, but how they are managed can make a significant difference in the team's dynamics and productivity. Leaders who possess strong active listening skills can defuse tensions by acknowledging all parties' perspectives, validating their feelings, and facilitating constructive dialogue. This approach not only resolves conflicts more efficiently but also strengthens relationships and promotes a culture of mutual respect and understanding.

Moreover, active listening plays a crucial role in fostering employee engagement and motivation. When employees feel heard and valued, they are more likely to feel invested in their work and committed to achieving shared goals. A leader who actively listens to their team members' ideas, concerns, and aspirations demonstrates that they are invested in their growth and success. This, in turn, boosts morale, productivity, and overall job satisfaction within the team.

Furthermore, active listening is essential for effective communication. In today's fast-paced and interconnected world, effective communication is paramount for successful leadership. By actively listening to their team members, leaders can ensure that their messages are accurately understood and interpreted. Additionally, active listening helps leaders tailor their communication style to suit individual preferences and effectively convey their messages, whether it's providing feedback, articulating expectations, or inspiring their team.

Concept of Fed Forward

What is Active listening (HBR 24)

Are you a good listener at work? You might think you are because you put away distractions, stay quiet, and nod your head when someone is talking to you. You might even repeat back your conversation partner’s main points to demonstrate that you’ve heard and absorbed them. These are all smart things to do, but they can still leave the speaker feeling unheard or even dismissed.

In this article, I’m going to explain what active listening looks and feels like, and how to improve this essential communication skill.

What Is Active Listening?

How to Practice Active Listening

1. Understand your default listening style.

One of the misconceptions around this soft skill is that there is one way to do it — you’re either listening or you’re not. But, as authors Rebecca Minehart, Benjamin Symon, and Laura Rock write, there are different styles that you need to be able to shift between, depending on the speaker’s needs.

First, it’s important to reflect and ask, “How do I usually listen?”

Minehart and her coauthors, in their work in the health care field, observed four distinct listening styles:

A task-oriented listener is focused on efficiency, and shapes a conversation around the transfer of important information.
An analytical listener aims to analyze a problem from a neutral starting point.
A relational listener seeks to build connection and understand and respond to the emotions underlying a message.
A critical listener typically judges both the content of the conversation and the speaker themselves.

You may, out of habit, default to one of these modes in most situations. And that’s ok. The key is to develop the awareness to understand which mode you typically use.

Knowing your default style can help you make a conscious, deliberate choice about whether to use that style or choose a different mode that’s more appropriate for the specific situation.

2. Make an active, conscious choice about how to best listen.

To determine how to best listen in a particular conversation, ask yourself these questions:

Why do I need to listen right now?

Reflecting on the goals of each particular conversation — both what you want and what the other person needs — can help you determine the best way to listen at that moment. You may realize that a different mode (or combination of modes) would be better. Is a family member in need of emotional support or is a coworker hoping for an honest critique? Using empathy to think about what the other person might need from your conversation can provide clues as to how you can best listen at that particular moment.

Who is the focus of attention in the conversation?

Sharing your own personal stories can help establish connections and validation, but it’s important to avoid steering the conversation away from the speaker so they don’t feel unheard or dismissed. All too often, we prevent ourselves from truly being able to listen deeply because of our own insecurities or head-trips — like emotional discomfort or being worried about how confident or prepared we might seem to the other person. With practice, quieting that internal monologue will leave more space to hear what the other person is actually saying.

Why am I talking?

While we all sometimes start rehearsing our response while the other person is talking, it’s counterproductive to effective communication. This question reminds us to listen without an agenda so that we can process what the other person is saying. Remind yourself that you can form your thoughts once you’ve fully heard what they have to say.

At the same time, you don’t want to be distracted by your attempts to be present. As Abrahams and Groysberg write, “Eye contact, attentive posture, nodding and other nonverbal cues are important, but it’s hard to pay attention to someone’s words when you’re busy reminding yourself to make regular eye contact. If these sorts of behaviors would require a significant habit change, you can instead, let people know at the beginning of a conversation that you’re on the non-reactive side, and ask for their patience and understanding.”

At some point in the conversation, you’ll likely need to share your perspective but, for now, take in what they have to say. Avoid hijacking the interaction. It’s far better to ask questions — it makes the other person feel listened to and increases your comprehension. If you can stay present without judgment or an agenda, you have a better chance of truly hearing what’s being said.

Am I still listening?

One of my worst listening habits is deciding that I understand what the person’s point is before they finish talking and tuning out. I might even give in to the temptation to multitask. My logic? I’ve already heard their main ideas, there’s no harm in checking my email real quick. Wrong! It’s not enough to put down obvious distractions (mobile phones) at the beginning of the conversation. You need to stay focused.

And, remember it’s not just devices or other external things that distract us. It might be your own thoughts or emotions. So if you find your mind wandering, bring your attention back. I find a mantra helpful: “I can deal with that later. Right now, I’m here.” Meditation can improve your ability to do this as well.

If you do find your attention pulled away, and you missed something the other person said, don’t try to forge ahead as if you know what they’re talking about (another bad habit of mine). It’s ok to interrupt them and say: “I think I missed what you just said. Could you repeat your last point?”

What am I missing?

Remember, active listening is much more than nodding, saying “Mm-hmm,” and parroting back the person’s points. Speaking up and asking good questions tells the other person that you’ve not only heard what they have to say, but you understood it well enough to want additional information.

It can also profoundly change the conversation if you pay attention to verbal and nonverbal cues that might reveal whether the speaker is saying more than what appears at face value. They may be uncertain about being vulnerable or not even realize they are expressing unexamined emotions. Asking questions based on what may have been left unsaid can make the other person feel supported and lead to insight for both of you.

Here’s an example.

An employee says, “I’m worried about my presentation for the board meeting.”

You might naturally try to reassure and relate by saying, “Oh you’re doing great. It took me years before I could present without being nervous.”

Unfortunately, while you’re attempting to make a connection here, this response dismisses their concern without inviting more details. It switches the focus to you and ignores what might be a much more important underlying issue behind their statement.

To show that you’re listening in a deeper way, you could say, “I was nervous when I started presenting, too. What’s worrying you?”

Big difference, right?

The Imperative for Senior Leaders

If you’re a senior leader, where much more is at stake for the organization, it’s wise to ask one additional question when approaching a conversation, “Am I in an information bubble?”

Many leaders find themselves trapped in such a “bubble” because employees are afraid of questioning, challenging, second-guessing or disappointing them. They may spin information in a positive light to avoid tough conversations about problems in the organization. As Keven Sharer, former CEO and chairman of Amgen said, in this article about how leaders can become better listeners, “If you walk around and see a bunch of smiling faces and say, ‘Gee, everybody looks happy to me,’ you’re not listening.”

Leaders must develop the discipline to listen purely for comprehension — without an agenda, distraction, or judgment — and actively seek input from all levels and ranks. Also, creating an atmosphere that prioritizes trust over hierarchy means that ideally anyone can feel comfortable sharing information — good or bad. Signals of danger or opportunity can come from unexpected places, so you have to create opportunities and channels for feedback, make sure people feel comfortable speaking up, and be present and available to hear what they have to say.

. . .

By asking the above questions anytime you enter a conversation that requires listening (and let’s face it, every conversation does!), you’ll improve the chances that not only will you hear and glean valuable information but that the other person will feel heard. Research shows that those who engage in active listening are seen as more competent, likable, and trustworthy by others.

But it’s not just good for you and the other person, research has shown that it also benefits the organization. Active listening behaviors have been positively related to employees’ perceptions of support from their managers, which in turn predicts higher levels of job satisfaction and organizational commitment.

With all of these upsides, it’s clear that the investment of time and effort in improving your listening skills will pay off.

More From The Author

Getting Along Toolkit: Practical Techniques for Dealing with Difficult People at Work

Book

Buy Now

Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)

Book

Buy Now

Amy Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review, cohost of the Women at Work podcast, and the author of two books: Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) and the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict. She writes and speaks about workplace dynamics. Watch her TEDx talk on conflict and follow her on LinkedIn.

How to Become a Better Listener

Robin Abrahams

and

Boris Groysberg

December 21, 2021

HBR Article

It’s never been more important — or more difficult — for leaders to be good listeners. Job switching is rampant, and remote work means we don’t get the nonverbal cues we’d pick up from an in-person conversation. Employers who fail to listen and thoughtfully respond to their people’s concerns will see greater turnover. And given that the highest rates of turnover are among top performers who can take clients and projects with them, and the frontline employees responsible for the customer experience, the risk is clear.

While listening is a skill universally lauded, it’s rarely, if ever, explicitly taught as such, outside of training for therapists. A 2015 study showed that while 78% of accredited undergraduate business schools list “presenting” as a learning goal, only 11% identified “listening.”

Becoming a Better Listener

This is “active listening.” It has three aspects:

Cognitive: Paying attention to all the information, both explicit and implicit, that you are receiving from the other person, comprehending, and integrating that information
Emotional: Staying calm and compassionate during the conversation, including managing any emotional reactions (annoyance, boredom) you might experience
Behavioral: Conveying interest and comprehension verbally and nonverbally

1. Repeat people’s last few words back to them.

If you remember nothing else, remember this simple practice that does so much. It makes the other person feel listened to, keeps you on track during the conversation, and provides a pause for both of you to gather thoughts or recover from an emotional reaction.

2. Don’t “put it in your own words” unless you need to.

Multiple studies have shown that direct repetition works, even though it may feel unnatural. Rephrasing what your interlocutor has said, however, can increase both emotional friction and the mental load on both parties. Use this tool only when you need to check your own comprehension — and say, explicitly, “I’m going to put this in my own words to make sure I understand.”

3. Offer nonverbal cues that you’re listening — but only if it comes naturally to you.

Eye contact, attentive posture, nodding and other nonverbal cues are important, but it’s hard to pay attention to someone’s words when you’re busy reminding yourself to make regular eye contact. If these sorts of behaviors would require a significant habit change, you can instead, let people know at the beginning of a conversation that you’re on the non-reactive side, and ask for their patience and understanding.

4. Pay attention to nonverbal cues.

Remember that active listening means paying attention to both the explicit and implicit information that you’re receiving in a conversation. Nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice, facial expression, and body language, are usually where the motivation and emotion behind the words is expressed.

5. Ask more questions than you think you need to.

This both improves the other person’s experience of feeling listened to, ensures that you fully understand their message, and can serve as a prompt to make sure important details aren’t overlooked.

6. Minimize distractions as much as possible.

You’ll want to avoid noise, interruptions, and other external distractions, but it’s important to minimize your internal distractions as well. If you are preoccupied with another topic, take time to re-center. If you know a conversation might be upsetting, calm yourself as much as possible before going in.

7. Acknowledge shortcomings.

If you know going into a conversation that you may be a subpar listener — because you’re exhausted from a dozen intense conversations earlier that day, unfamiliar with the topic under discussion, or any other reason — let the other person know right away. If you lose your footing during the conversation — a lapse of attention or comprehension — say you didn’t quite get it, and ask the person to repeat themselves.

8. Don’t rehearse your response while the other person is talking.

Take a brief pause after they finish speaking to compose your thoughts. This will require conscious effort! People think about four times faster than other people talk, so you’ve got spare brainpower when you’re a listener. Use it to stay focused and take in as much information as possible.

9. Monitor your emotions.

If you have an emotional reaction, slow the pace of the conversation. Do more repetition, pay attention to your breathing. You don’t want to respond in a way that will cause the other person to disengage. Nor — and this is a subtler thing to avoid — do you want to fall into the easy defense mechanism of simply tuning out what you don’t want to hear, or rushing to discount or argue it away.

The Skills Involved in Active Listening

Listening is a complex job, with many different subtasks, and it’s possible to be good at some and bad at others. Rather than thinking of yourself as a “good listener” or a “bad listener,” it can be useful to evaluate yourself on the subskills of active listening. Below is a breakdown of these subskills along with recommendations for what to do if you’re struggling with any one of them.

First, let’s start with what we call the “picking-up skills,” the skills that allow you to gather the information you need.

1. Hearing

If you have hearing loss, be honest about it. For whatever reason, people will boast about their poor vision but hide hearing loss. Help break that stigma. Ask for what you need — e.g., for people to face you when talking, or give you written materials in advance. Let others know, so that they will be alert to indications that you may have missed something.

2. Auditory processing

This refers to how well the brain makes sense of the sound cues. If you’re struggling to understand someone, ask questions to clarify. If it’s helpful, from time to time recap your understanding of both the subject and the other person’s reason for bringing it up — and ask them to validate or refine it. (Make it clear that you are doing this for your own understanding.)

3. Reading body language, tone of voice, or social cues accurately

The advice for auditory processing applies here. Asking a trusted colleague to be your nonverbal communication translator may be helpful in situations where accurate listening is important, but confidentiality is not.

The next two skills involve staying mentally present in the conversational moment.

4. Maintaining attention

If you often find yourself distracted when trying to listen to someone, control your environment as much as possible. Before you begin, set an intention by taking a moment to deliberately focus on this person, in this moment, in a conversation that will be about this topic. If appropriate, use a written agenda or in-the-moment whiteboarding to keep yourself and the other person aligned. If you do have a lapse in attention, admit it, apologize, and ask the person to repeat what they said. (Yes, it’s embarrassing, but it happens to everyone occasionally and to some of us frequently.) Arrive a few minutes early to acclimate yourself if you are having a meeting in a new place.

5. Regulating your emotional response

Meditation has both immediate and short-term benefits for relaxation and emotional control, regardless of the particular practice. The key is to do it twice a day for 10 to 20 minutes, focusing on a mental image or repeating a phrase and dismissing other thoughts as they come.

In the moment, focus on your breathing and do a “grounding exercise” if you feel agitated. These are simple psychological practices that work to pull people back to the present moment by directing attention to the immediate environment. Typical exercises include naming five colored objects that you can see (e.g., green couch, black dog, gold lamp, white door, red rug) or identifying four things that you are hearing, seeing, feeling, and smelling (e.g., hearing birdsong, seeing chair, feeling chenille upholstery, smelling neighbors’ cooking).

Finally, the active listener has to pull the entire package — receiving the message and acknowledging its receipt — together, in the moment. It can be challenging!

6. Integrating multiple sources of information.

At the very least, you are both listening to words and watching body language. You may also be listening to multiple people at once, communicating on multiple platforms simultaneously, or listening while also taking in visual information, such as building plans or sales projections.Figure out what helps you listen best. Do you need information in advance? A “processing break”? A chance to circle back and confirm everyone’s understanding? This is another situation where it can be helpful to have another person taking in the same information, who can fill you in on what you might have missed.

7. “Performing” active listening (e.g., eye contact, nodding, appropriate facial expressions).

If you have a natural poker face, or find it easier to pay attention to people’s words if you don’t make eye contact, share that information with your conversation partner, and thank them for accommodating you. Do extra repetition to make up for the lack of nonverbal communication. You may want to practice better performativity skills, but don’t add that mental burden to important conversations. Ask a five-year-old to tell you about their favorite superhero, then practice acting like you’re listening.

Please note: This list is not intended to be diagnostic instrument, but if any of the skills listed above seem truly difficult to you, you may want to consult your doctor. Scientific understanding of these processes, from the sensory organs to the brain, has expanded greatly in the past years. Many successful adults have discovered mid-career that they have undiagnosed sensory, attention, information-processing, or other disorders than can impair listening ability.

For each of these subskills, there is also a range of natural ability, and your life experience may have enhanced or muted this potential. We know, for example, that music training improves auditory processing skills, and acting or improvisation training improves your ability to “read” people and perform the role of an active listener. Having power, by contrast, decreases your ability to read others and accurately grasp their message — don’t let this happen to you!

***

Listening is vitally important, sadly undertaught, physically and mentally taxing, and in the aftermath of Covid-19 has never been more difficult. As we close in on a third year of unprecedented upheaval in work and life, employees and managers alike have more questions than ever — concerns that they may find it difficult to articulate for a variety of reasons, from mental fog to the sheer novelty of the situation.

When this happens, take a moment to listen closely. Consider the questioner, not simply the question. Now is the time for leaders to really listen, understand the context, resist the temptation to respond with generic answers, and recognize your own listening limitations — and improve on them. Have compassion for yourself — you can’t scream at your own brain like a drill sergeant and whip that raw grey matter into shape. What you can do is recognize your weak points and make the necessary adjustments.

ChatGPT below

Title: The Power of Active Listening: How Developing this Skill Benefits Leaders

In the realm of effective leadership, there exists a multitude of skills and attributes that contribute to success. While qualities like decisiveness, vision, and charisma often take the spotlight, one skill that is equally, if not more, crucial is often overlooked: active listening. Active listening is not merely hearing words; it is about understanding, empathizing, and engaging with what is being said. In the context of leadership, honing active listening skills can yield a plethora of benefits that not only enhance the leader's effectiveness but also foster a positive and productive work environment.

First and foremost, active listening cultivates trust and rapport. When a leader truly listens to their team members, it sends a powerful message that their opinions and perspectives matter. This acknowledgment fosters a sense of validation and respect, which in turn builds trust between the leader and their team. Trust is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and in a leadership setting, it is instrumental in fostering collaboration, openness, and loyalty.

Furthermore, active listening facilitates better problem-solving and decision-making. By carefully listening to diverse viewpoints and gathering insights from different stakeholders, a leader gains a comprehensive understanding of complex issues. This allows for informed decision-making that takes into account various perspectives and potential ramifications. Moreover, actively listening to concerns and feedback enables leaders to identify underlying issues or patterns, leading to more effective problem-solving strategies.

In conclusion, the benefits of developing active listening skills are manifold for leaders. From building trust and rapport to facilitating better decision-making, conflict resolution, employee engagement, and effective communication, active listening is a cornerstone of effective leadership. By honing this critical skill, leaders can create a positive and productive work environment where team members feel valued, motivated, and empowered to contribute their best. Ultimately, active listening not only enhances a leader's effectiveness but also paves the way for long-term success and growth, both for the leader and their team.

The Art of Active listening

Recent Posts

Comments